In short: The first month is full of firsts: the first weekend, the first hard night, the first time you tell someone. If you drink heavily every day, or take benzodiazepines, other sedatives or opioids every day, talk to a doctor before you stop. After that, the month is built from small things: a simple routine, a few people you can call, and a plan for the hours that are hardest.
First: talk to a doctor before you stop
Read this before anything else.
Stopping some substances suddenly can be dangerous. If you drink heavily every day, or take benzodiazepines, other sedatives or opioids every day, talk to a doctor before you stop. Withdrawal can cause seizures and can be life-threatening. The SAMHSA National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, can help you find detox, free, any hour. If a seizure, confusion, seeing things or chest pain happen, call 911.
If you've already stopped, talk to a doctor today. A doctor is the right person to tell you what to expect for you, and whether you need medical help to stop.
And if you take a prescribed medicine, don't stop or change it without talking to the doctor who prescribed it.
This post is about the everyday side of the first month. For anything about your body or your health, ask a doctor.
Week one: get through the first days
Everyone's first week is different. It depends on what you used, for how long, and what else is going on in your life. So week one's job is small: get to the end of today.
A few things people do in the first days:
- Clear out what you'd use. Alcohol, pills, whatever it is. Ask someone to do it with you, or for you. Prescribed medicine is the exception: that's a question for your doctor.
- Tell one person. Someone safe, who's on your side. You don't need a speech: "I've stopped, and this week is hard" is enough.
- Put two numbers in your phone. 988, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, which you can call or text. And SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357.
- Get out of the house once a day, even for a short walk or an errand.
- Keep the day simple. Fewer plans, fewer places where you used to drink or use, more time with people who are good for you.
If something feels wrong in your body, don't wait it out. Call a doctor, or 911 if it's an emergency.
Week two: plan for the hard hours
By the second week, many people notice that the hardest moments come at the same times: the drive home, Friday night, payday, the hour you used to start.
- Name your hard hour. You probably already know it.
- Put something there on purpose. A meeting, a call, a walk, cooking, the gym, a movie somewhere other than home.
- Delete or block the numbers you used to call to drink or use. Mute the group chats that pull you back.
- Watch for "I'm fine now." Feeling better can make "just one" sound reasonable. It helps to recognize that thought when it comes.
If the hard hour turns into hopelessness, or thoughts of not wanting to be alive, call or text 988 that day.
Week three: build your people
You don't have to do the first month alone, and week three is a good time to widen the circle.
- Try a meeting. AA, NA, SMART Recovery, Recovery Dharma and other groups meet in person, and many meet online or by phone. At most meetings you can just sit and listen. If the first one doesn't fit, try a different group or a different kind. Our guide to finding a meeting tonight lists where each group posts its meetings.
- Ask for something specific. "Can I call you at 9 tonight if it's bad?" is easier to say yes to than "support me."
- Give the people at home time. They may be relieved, wary or hurt, sometimes all three. Trust tends to come back through what you do over time, not through one big talk.
- Put some distance between you and people you drank or used with, if being around them is hard right now. Distance now doesn't have to mean forever.
- Ask about treatment if you want more. Treatment comes in many forms, from counseling to outpatient programs. SAMHSA's National Helpline can point you to treatment and support groups near you, any hour.
Week four: getting ready for day 30
Day 30 is a real milestone, and the last week is a good time to look back at how far you've come.
- Write down what's different. A morning you remember. Money still in the account on Friday. A conversation you actually had.
- Look at your hard hours again. What worked? What didn't? Keep what worked for month two.
- Plan the day itself. Tell someone it's coming. Do something small that marks it: a meal, a walk somewhere new, a meeting where you pick up a chip if your group gives them.
It's not always a straight line. A hard day in week four doesn't mean you're going backward. It means it's a hard day.
Something to open on day 30
Some people write themselves a letter on day one. In the Free and Sober app, that's the Time Capsule: a message from you, today, to the you who opens it 30 days from now. You make it on video or by voice, up to 90 seconds, or in writing as a letter. It's sealed, and it opens on its day, whether or not you slipped. Seal it on your start date, and it opens on your 30-day milestone. Many people say what tonight is like, why they're doing this, and what they hope day 30 feels like. You can see how the Time Capsule works.
If tonight is hard
Free and Sober is not an emergency service. If you're in danger, call 911, or call or text 988.
- Call or text 988, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It's free and confidential, any hour.
- Call 911 in an emergency.
- Call SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, for treatment referrals and information, any hour.
More lines are on our Safety page.
This post is general information, not medical or legal advice. Free and Sober is a wellness app, not medical care, and it doesn't replace a doctor, a counselor or a treatment program. Check with a doctor before you make any medical decision, including stopping or changing any medicine.